The other day, someone asked me, “Who’s your favorite child?” It wasn’t the first time I’d heard this question, but for some reason, it really stuck with me. I found myself ruminating on it, trying to understand the concept. Why do people even have a “favorite child”? So, instead of letting it bounce around in my head, I thought it might be healthier to get it down on paper and share it with you all.
I’d love to hear your perspective—especially if you’ve had similar experiences or thoughts. Feel free to add your take in the comments below.
Understanding the Connection with Each Child
Each of my kids sees the world through a unique lens, which makes my relationship with each of them its own special experience. Maybe from their perspective, they each think I have a “favorite” based on who I might seem closer to in certain moments, or who I’m engaging with in a particular way. But for me, these connections aren’t about favorites; they’re about celebrating the qualities that make each child who they are.
Here’s how I see each of my children and the different ways they’ve enriched my life.
My Adventurous Firstborn
My oldest is my free-spirited, health-conscious explorer. He’s a world traveler, a digital nomad living in Barcelona, and he’s embraced a lifestyle that is all about positive energy, self-discipline, and adventure. This is the same child who, as a boy, required special accommodations for his ADHD. He was incredibly intelligent but struggled to sit still, often finding himself in trouble at school. Now, watching him thrive as an adult, living life on his own terms, is beyond fulfilling. Every conversation with him is engaging and fun, and I love hearing about his travels and all he’s learning along the way.
My Intellectual Second Child
My second son is my intellectual, my deeply moral thinker. He’s someone who’s always had a unique moral compass, a deep understanding of world affairs, and an impressive depth of knowledge on international politics and current events. He left for college in the Redwoods but ultimately decided to come back home, which was a joy for me. I felt like I got more time to truly connect with him, which I cherish. Talking to him about complex issues is fascinating, and I’m constantly amazed by his perspective and intellect. Knowing that he’ll one day be out in the world, guiding others and making a positive impact, is truly reassuring. He’s exactly the kind of wise, capable leader we need for the future.
My Charismatic Third Child
Then there’s my third child, my charismatic, soulful son. He has an uncanny connection with me—he often calls just as I’m thinking of him. He’s always been a natural leader, even as a little boy organizing elaborate games for his friends. Now, he’s just transitioned from high school to college, and it’s been amazing to watch him take on this new chapter. He’s found an area of study he’s passionate about and, of course, has already connected with many people in his dorm. His warmth, creativity, and ease in bringing people together are truly inspiring, and I’m so glad that he’ll be out in the world spreading that positive energy.
My Creative and Brilliant Youngest Daughter
And finally, there’s my daughter, my youngest, and the only girl in the family. She’s a dancer, an artist, a singer, and a “Mathlete” who excels in academics and the creative arts. With her brothers mostly grown, she gets the benefit of having one-on-one time with me, almost like an only child. She’s an all-around amazing person, and watching her pursue her many talents with passion and dedication is a joy. I feel lucky to have this special time with her, bonding over things like cooking, dancing, and creating.
Why It’s Not Really About “Favorites”
When people talk about having a “favorite” child, maybe it’s not really about ranking one above the others. Perhaps what they mean is that they relate to one child on a deeper level, or they see qualities in that child they admire. Maybe they feel especially connected because the child reminds them of themselves, or they appreciate certain characteristics that resonate with them personally.
For me, though, the idea of a favorite doesn’t quite capture the essence of what parenting is about. I see each of my kids as bringing something unique and irreplaceable—not just to me, but to the world. It’s not about how much they do or don’t align with my personality or preferences. It’s about seeing them as individuals with their own gifts, talents, and qualities that make them special. Each of them has something to offer, and I feel lucky to witness that.
Now, this is how I’m characterizing my children here, in a few words, to give you a sense of what I find special and unique about each one. It’s not to say that they don’t each share in these qualities and shine in similar ways as their siblings. I’m simply illustrating how, if we pause to really think about our kids, it’s easy to find something joyful and unique about each one. Doing this not only sharpens the messages we share with them but also frames our day-to-day interactions with them in a meaningful way.
For me, this process is about designing my thoughts intentionally, which is central to how I approach parenting and aligns with the mission of my company, Craft & Bond. By thoughtfully designing the way I see and support each child, I aim to foster a sense of belonging, joy, and encouragement in them that they can carry forward into the world.
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